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[Podcast] How to ask for what you really want

As promised here is the link to the podcast on Uncensored Advice for Men that I told you about last week. The topic of the podcast is “How to Ask for What I Really Want.” While the podcast is geared towards men, the topic is relevant for both men and women. It answers the questions: Why are we so afraid to ask for what we really want? What does it mean to “ask powerfully?” How can leverage asking to get results in my business and my life? I hope you’ll listen, and share it with others!

Also a reminder that every Wednesday at 1:00 PM EST I’m hosting the Mindset Reset Community Call to help entrepreneurs maintain a positive mindset during these difficult times. Join me for this free group coaching call to get a new perspective on building an abundant business during challenging times.

See you on the call!

P.S. One of the participants of the MSRS Community Call, Ellisen Weng told me, “Thank you for hosting your weekly calls. The information was really powerful and insightful.” No need to register, just jump on the call using this link https://zoom.us/j/6180860750.

 


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Burglars don’t knock

My husband Jon and daughter Isabel spent this past weekend at our upstate house and Isabel came home with this story:

While watching a movie at about 11:30 Saturday night, they heard a loud sound as though a heavy object had fallen.  They couldn’t find the source of the sound, so they went back to watching the movie.

A few minutes later, they heard a knock at the door.

Our house is located on a remote road where even during the day very few cars pass.  There are no other houses within eyesight, and at night the area is completely devoid of light.

My nephew Matt opened the door and a raspy voice gargled out, “I’m a fireman.” At this point, the others had gathered around the door to see who it was.  Matt asked him, “Is there a fire?” but he only rambled on incoherently until he finally said, “I was in a car crash.  Can I use your phone?”

That’s when my husband stepped out onto the porch. He then left the porch to walk into the darkness with the man.

For 30 minutes, Matt, Isabel and my niece Camille waited while their agitation grew.  Camille and Matt had gotten fire pokers ready to use as a defense, and Isabel was poised to dial 911.  They could see activity at the edge of the property.  Another car came slowly and eerily down the road, the headlights piercing the darkness.  They had no new information about what was going on, and the threat only seemed to increase as more people joined the scene.

Even as she was telling the story, Isabel’s fear was palpable.  I could feel a sense of my own foreboding creeping in.

This is fear in action.

Everything – the darkness, the knock at the door at night, the lack of additional information, and the man’s behavior – all fed into the fear that SOMETHING BAD WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.

In fact, the man had crashed his car into a tree, and the other people had come to tow his car back to his house.  He was drunk and hurt, which contributed to his incoherence.  And, he had a tracheotomy, which accounted for the raspy voice.

The fact is, burglars don’t knock. 

 But when fear is present, we don’t look at things logically.  In the absence of information, our minds make stuff up.  And it’s always bad stuff.  And that bad stuff translates into fear.  Fear blows everything out of proportion, because being safe is our number one priority.  It’s survival at its finest.

In my coaching practice, I’ve seen fear stop so many people dead in their tracks.  These are fears of rejection, failure, not being good enough, and even fear of success. Some of these fears have been surfacing during our weekly Mindset Reset Community Call, especially because of the pandemic.

I’ve developed a very simple process for cutting through your fear so that you can get back to taking confident action in your business: 

At the top of a piece of paper, first complete the sentence: What I want to create is…

Then create two columns.  The first column is your fears.  Write down every fear/doubt/negative statement you have related to your desire.  After you’ve completed that list, in the second column, write a positive or rational counter statement to that fear.

As an example, what I want to create is a best selling book.  In my fear column, I would write things like: 1. I’m not a professional writer; 2. I’ve never written a book before; 3. no one will want to read it; 4. I won’t know how to market it.  Then in my rational column, I would write something counter to each fear: 1. That’s what editors are for; 2. Lots of first time authors have success; 3. People are already telling me they want to read it, also millions of books are sold each year; 4. There are professionals who will help you with that.

 This is a great exercise to do with other people, because they can contribute their ideas to you as well.  So if you have any particular area where you aren’t taking action because of a fear, join my Mindset Reset Community Call every Wednesday at 1:00 PM EST.  No need to RSVP, just jump on the call.  We’ll work through those burning questions and get you back into action.


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How to make the right choice for you

Last week I wrote a blog post with tips about ways to stay productive during the coronavirus pandemic. While some people did appreciate that, I also got several responses with links to articles about how we shouldn’t place pressure on ourselves during these troubling and difficult times.

So which one is it? Should we keep forging ahead with working on our businesses, or should we take a more relaxed approach?

Watch this quick video I recorded to hear more about my recommendations on how to best handle this unusual situation.

And then join me tomorrow, Wednesday, April 15, at 1:00 PM EST for my Mindset Reset Community Call – a free Zoom group coaching call specifically geared towards providing support to entrepreneurs during the pandemic.

Barbara Kara of www.efreedomtechniques.com participated last week and said: “I felt so much better after the call…more supported and inspired. With the current situation, we really need to be in community with like-minded people. These Zoom calls fill that need beautifully.”

See you on the call!


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The problem with free time

I had a revelation about time one afternoon when I was chatting with my aunt. She had recently retired, and she was telling me about how she had gained weight since she stopped working. She said that while she enjoyed walking for exercise, she just never seemed to get around to doing it.

Until our conversation, I had bought in to the commonly accepted idea that “if only I had more time, I would (write my book/exercise/learn more about social media marketing/fill in the blank.)” It was my main excuse for my unfinished projects. But in that moment, I realized: how much time I have has nothing to do with whether or not I accomplish anything.

My aunt had all the free time in the world since she had no other responsibilities. And yet, she still never “found” the time to get her walks in.

When I know I have a “free” day, I’m excited about how much I’ll be able to do. But more often than not, I get to the end of the day dissatisfied with how much I got accomplished. It seems that when I have “all day” to work on something, it takes me “all day” just to get around to starting it.

As it turns out, the exact opposite of what we expect is true. The more free time we have, the less we actually get done. Why? Because our motivation actually increases the less time we have available. The pressure of a deadline gets us into action.

Many entrepreneurs are faced with this challenge during this pandemic. The structures that we had in place for our businesses have been changed – we may no longer be able to see clients or projects may have been put on hold. The “free time” we always dreamed of is finally here, and yet we are whittling it away.

So if more available time isn’t the answer to getting things done, what is? It’s the commitment you make to yourself to complete the task. Here are some tips I’ve heard from clients about what’s been working for them to stay on track:

  • Create a routine for your day. It sincerely won’t work to wake up in the morning and “wing it”. That huge gap of open space on your calendar could be filled with many things, including washing the dishes, scrolling through FB, reading the news, answering emails… you get the point. It’s been especially helpful to me to have a morning routine a la “The Miracle Morning” (watch author Hal Elrod explain it here.)
  • Give yourself deadlines. According to Parkinson’s law, “work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.” So give yourself half as much time as you think you’ll need to get something done. I guarantee you’ll accomplish more in that short timeframe than you will if the goal is open ended.
  • Have an accountability partner. This is one of my roles as a coach, but you can also ask a colleague or friend to hold you accountable for your goals.
  • Use a Pomodoro timer. This was recommended by someone on last week’s Zoom group call. The idea is to work for 25 minutes and then take a 5 minute break. You can Google this technique for more information.

As a reminder: I’m hosting a free weekly group Zoom call to support our community of entrepreneurs. We meet on Wednesdays at 1:00 PM EST. If you’re looking for extra support during these challenging times then join me tomorrow, Wednesday, April 8 at 1:00 PM EST. The link to join is https://zoom.us/j/6180860750 or dial 646-876-9923 and use meeting code 618-086-0750.

Send me a quick message here to let me know you’ll be joining, and feel free to spread the word to others.

I look forward to seeing you on the call!


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Have you been feeling this way?

I’m hosting a free weekly group Zoom call to support our community of entrepreneurs. We meet on Wednesdays at 1:00 PM EST. Jump on the call tomorrow! Details are below.

Last Wednesday we discussed ways to stay productive during this crazy time. It’s a theme I’ve been hearing consistently from my coaching clients, who tell me they feel unfocused. There’s certainly no lack of distractions vying for our attention, from daily press conferences, to videos of how to stay safe when shopping for food, to real concerns about our friends and family who may be sick with the virus.

A few people shared about how they work all day but get to the end of the day feeling like they didn’t get anything done. But that’s not necessarily true. Just because you feel unproductive, doesn’t mean you are unproductive.

I love this chart from Todd Herman, the creator of The 90 Day Year. He talks about how the human brain tricks us into thinking we haven’t made progress when actually we have. On the left he illustrates how if you’re only measuring the gap from where you are to where you want to be, you’ll be in the “chasm of despair,” whereas on the right if you look back to measure how far you’ve come, you’ll be in the “valley of confidence.”

The reality is that no matter how much we do, there’s always going to be more to do. As a general rule, entrepreneurs are a driven bunch who have ambitious plans. When we reach a goal, we rarely rest on our laurels, and instead move on to what’s next.

One tactic you can use is to write down what you do during the day. Then at the end of the day you can review it and see the facts of how much you actually accomplished, not just what you think you accomplished. Don’t discount the “small” actions, which when done consistently will add up to big results.

Join me tomorrow, Wednesday, April 1 at 1:00 PM EST so that we can come together to share our concerns and get support. The link to join is https://zoom.us/j/6180860750 or dial 646-876-9923 and use meeting code 618-086-0750.

Send me a quick message here to let me know you’ll be joining, and feel free to spread the word to others.

I look forward to seeing you on the call!

P.S. If you’ve been feeling scattered and unfocused, you’re not alone. Jump on tomorrow’s call to get support to keep your business moving forward.


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Need some support during the COVID-19? Join me on a call every Wednesday

Are these crazy times or what? In all my years of business I’ve never experienced anything like it – even having lived through events as severe as 9/11 and Hurricane Sandy.

In just a few short days we’ve seen entire cities shut down (not to mention states and even countries!), and watched while thousands of small businesses and solopreneurs lose opportunities to generate revenue to keep their business afloat.

To make matters more challenging, “social distancing” has left many of us feeling isolated, with even simple day-to-day interactions like buying a cup of coffee at our favorite coffee shop lost to us.

It’s easy in these situations to get caught up in doomsday scenarios and be carried away by our fear of the unknown. I know how important it is to have an abundance mindset to counteract those fears, so I’ve decided to host a free weekly group Zoom call to support our community of entrepreneurs. We’ll meet on Wednesdays at 1:00 PM EST until we can get through this. You can join the call at https://zoom.us/j/6180860750, or by dialing 646-876-9923 and using meeting code 618-086-0750.

And while the situation is certainly serious, there are ways we can leverage this forced slowdown. Here are a few things that you can do:

– Get stuff done. You know those projects you said you would like to do, if only you had the time? Now is the time to get them done. Write that book, update that web page, publish those blog posts, start that podcast, finish that online course… By doing these projects you will feel more empowered and in control. Extra bonus is that when business picks up again (which it will, I assure you!) you’ll have strengthened the structure of your business.

– Handle something you’ve been tolerating. Stand in the middle of your work space and look around. What bugs you? How about those unfiled papers, old business cards, unanswered low priority emails, and other tasks that keep your space and brain cluttered? Every item you check off your stale to-do list will feel like an accomplishment and inspire you to do more.

– Network. I guarantee there are at least 10 people you could reach out to today to check in on and network with. Start with those old business cards. Send an email to reconnect, or better yet, just pick up the phone and call. There’s never going to be a better time to have a conversation and to create relationships with people.

Just because we’re not able to be together in person doesn’t mean we need to isolate ourselves. Luckily technology is on our side and we can use it to connect. Join me on Wednesday’s at 1:00 PM EST so that we can come together to share our concerns and get support. The link to join is https://zoom.us/j/6180860750.

Send me a quick message here to let me know you’ll be joining, and feel free to spread the word to other people who would benefit by participating. I look forward to seeing you on the call!

 

P.S. Whatever your state of mind, remember, you will get through this. It will be easier to get through it together, though, so pop onto the call every week Wednesday, at 1 PM!  https://zoom.us/j/6180860750


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What the coronavirus can teach us about abundance

I don’t know about you, but I never even heard the word “coronavirus” in my entire life until this whole situation started blowing up. And as the number of cases climbs every day, so do people’s fears of being quarantined. This has caused thousands of people to rush to stores to buy large amounts of… toilet paper??

I dunno, maybe they use a lot more toilet paper than I do on a daily basis. Or maybe my many years of living in NYC and being able to walk just a block or two to get something I need has mellowed my sense of urgency in times of crisis like blizzards, blackouts, and pandemics. I’ve never been one to “stock up” on things. It even annoys me when my husband, the food shopper in our family, buys more of something we already have just because it’s on sale.

This type of behavior is driven by an age-old perception that abundance works like a pie – there are only so many slices to go around, and so the more someone else has, the less I have.

But that’s not abundance at all – it’s fear-based scarcity thinking disguised as abundance. It then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when hoarding causes the shortages, which perpetuates the fear and the behavior.

The way this pie-based mentality impacts entrepreneurs is by thinking things like, “I have to take on this client even though they’re not a good fit for me because I don’t know when the next one will come along.” Or “There’s too much competition out there so I’d better lower my prices.” The pressure to use such tactics is especially heightened when the news reports say that the economy is taking a hit due to coronavirus fears.

Here’s the real deal. There is an unlimited amount of abundance available to you in the form of money, clients, and opportunities. And even if there were limits, we’ve come nowhere close to reaching whatever those limits are.

As far as household essentials goes, I assure you, you already have enough. And what you don’t have, you can live without for a short period of time. But if you are feeling stuck in a scarcity mindset, or have fears creeping in, then I invite you to set up a call with me. I can help you to uncover where your scarcity mindset is holding you back from creating an abundant business, and what you can do to shift it. I look forward to chatting with you.

 

P.S. I’m sure we’ve got a ways to go before the coronavirus dies down, so in the meantime, take me up on my offer to have a call! There’s no pressure to work with me or join my programs. We’ll simply explore where you feel stuck and how you can create momentum for yourself. Find a time here!