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Only 8%

8%.

That’s the percentage of people who actually accomplish the goals that they set at the beginning of a new year. Wow. It’s obvious SOMETHING’s not working!

There’s a good chance that you’re part of the 92% who starts out with good intentions but ends up falling short. I know that can be frustrating, especially because you’re working your heart out in your business.

In the 20+ years that I’ve been coaching entrepreneurs (and running my own small business) I have noticed some common pitfalls that people encounter when setting and accomplishing goals. Below is a quick summary of those pitfalls. I have a lot more to say on the topic, so I’m going to discuss these in greater detail during my free masterclass LEAP 2020. Watch the replay here

Expecting breakthrough results
Big, life changing, breakthrough results are few and far between. In actuality, the greatest impact will come from the much more numerous smaller accomplishments that come from staying consistent.

Setting goals that rely on discipline and will power
Many entrepreneurs I’ve coached claim that their biggest problem is that they don’t have enough discipline. I’m not buying it! We all have limited willpower. Do you have systems in place that support you when your willpower is low?

Our intended results are too far in the future
It’s been proven that our brains can’t plan for action that’s more than 90 days out. It’s more effective to set nearer term goals that have tasks you can take action on now.

Being inflexible
People change, circumstances change, new ideas come in the middle of the night… It’s OK to reevaluate your goals to decide what’s working and what’s not working, and make adjustments.

Thinking one size fits all
Every person is different, so why do we think one method of setting goals is right for everyone? During the Leap 2020! masterclass, I’ll show you how to create a Personalized Abundance System that works for you.

Not having a coach or accountability partner
Of course I’m going to say this – I am a coach who holds my clients accountable! And guess what – it really works.

We’re already 4 weeks into the new year, and I’m willing to bet that the idealized and optimistic view you had about 2020 has started to wane.

I know – it happens to me too. That’s why I developed a methodology for keeping myself and my clients on track all year long, using that Personalized Abundance System I mentioned above.

I’ll guide you through the process for creating that system on the replay of the LEAP 2020 masterclass. You’ll bust up the old mindsets that weigh you down, so that you can keep on track for success in 2020 and beyond.

Start manifesting the prosperous business and abundant life you’re dreaming of NOW!

Join my FREE 5 Day Abundance Challenge

This 5 Day Abundance Challenge will get you on the fast track to creating abundance by

leveraging these powerful tools! Register here

 


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Don’t fall for that “best year ever” stuff…

In the last couple weeks, my inbox has been inundated with emails entreating me to have my Best. Year. Ever!!

Instead of inspiring me, these emails stress me out. As my client Megan said, “Why does 2019 have to compete with 2020?” Or any other year, for that matter?

The year I turned 21 was pretty great. That’s the year that I traveled all around the world as a photographer.

The year I got married, and the years when I had each of my two children, were pretty awesome too.

Then there was the year that I started my business, and the year my husband Jon quit his job to join me. There was the year that I hit 6 figures in my business for the first time, and the year that I changed my business model completely to become a transformational coach for entrepreneurs.

I’m not saying I haven’t had my struggles. A person can’t be in business for 25 years (and married for 23) without some significant ups and downs. There was the year I was diagnosed with lymphoma, and the year of 9/11 when the economy had a huge slowdown. There was the year my biggest corporate client was also my biggest pain in the butt.

Yet all those years were also rich with learning and experiences that ended with gratitude.

When we fall into the trap of anticipating that this year will be the “one”, we both denigrate our past successes and set ourselves up for future disappointment if things don’t turn out exactly as we’ve dreamed.

As my sister Jennifer so wisely said, “Let’s go for depth, not distance.”

I’ve got a lot planned for the year and I have a clear intention to have it be fun, creative, and prosperous for everyone I work with.

That’s why I developed a free masterclass called ‘LEAP 2020’, a transformative approach to business planning. 

During the LEAP 2020 training, you’ll build on past successes, leverage what you’ve learned from your breakdowns, and create a personalized path to abundance in your business for 2020. You can register here.


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After ten years, this happened…

When my daughter Isabel was four years old, I took her with me to my hairdresser, John, for a “mommy daughter” day – getting haircuts together and a treat on our way home.

Everything was going swimmingly until she got out of the chair. “Mommy,” she whispered to me, with tears in her eyes, “he cut it so short!”  Indeed, he had. It looked completely endearing to me and my hairdresser, but she was mortified.  I realized why she hated it so much when I took her to pre-school on Monday.  Every other girl in the class had long hair.  She cowered in the corner with her hood over her head and no amount of mommy love could console her.

She didn’t cut her hair for another ten years.

By the time she was 14, it was almost to her knees. It was beautiful and flowing, and was the object of much admiration. The only problem was she could never wear it out of a braid because it would become an unruly rat’s nest. Untangling it took nearly an hour in the shower.  When I encouraged her to cut it, she resisted. It bolstered her confidence in herself and was part of her identity in her social scene.

 Then, just after her 15th birthday, she suddenly announced that she was ready to cut it.  Eagerly, I scheduled John to come to my house (yes, the same man who had cut it all those years ago!) and she invited her friends over. Watching John’s scissors slice through that mane of hair was both terrifying and exhilarating.  He cut off a full 28 inches of hair while her friends’ squeals filled the room.   Afterwards she couldn’t contain her exuberance.  Since then she has radiated joy and confidence in her choice.  She no longer feels defined by that one feature of her looks and she loves the ease that it affords her.

While relieved and grateful that she cut her hair, I’m not surprised that she feels as happy as she does with the result. This aligns with the second step to creating abundance, which is to “Give Wholeheartedly.”  (Click here to watch a short video about all three steps.)

While we often think of “giving” as referring to the giving of gifts, money, time, or even something like business referrals, this type of giving falls in the category of “letting go” or “releasing.” By letting go of her hair, Isabel not only let something go that she was tolerating (taking care of that hair!) but also a long ago hurt.

If you’re feeling stuck at all in your business, take a look around to see what you might be tolerating and ready to let go of. It could be a project that you no longer care about, clients that don’t serve you any more, books you never plan to read, to-do’s you’re never going to do… the list goes on. Don’t let a decision made years ago for reasons you barely remember linger. It can get in your way every day, much like my daughter’s hair when she used the dishwasher. Yes, after she leaned over to put a dish in, her hair would often get caught in the door as she shut it.

We don’t realize how much we are weighed down by extraneous objects, old wounds, regrets, or even future expectations that never get fulfilled. By letting go, you’re opening up space for something new:  new clients who appreciate you, space in your office or home, the ability to focus on what you really want to do.  Once you give away or let go of these items, you’ll experience a surge in your energy and enthusiasm and feel lighter and freer.  I encourage you to get started today.


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The Anti-New Year’s Resolutions: Systems, not Goals (Part 2 of 2)

Part 2 of a 2-part series (click here for part 1 to learn about why New Year’s resolutions don’t work.)

I love that freshly-washed feeling of the turn of a new year.  It could just be that I get more sleep in the 10 days between Christmas and New Year’s when the kids are off from school,  But I seem to have more energy to clear away any unpleasantness I’ve been tolerating. And like many people, I look ahead to the coming year.

Over time, I’ve changed my perspective on how helpful resolutions can be.  I’ve had my own varying degrees of success, and have stopped setting so many “goals.”  Now I focus on intentions or themes for the year.  Last year’s theme was “clarity” and this year’s theme is emerging as “release.”

If intentions and themes are too vague for you, then consider using “systems” rather than “goals.”

I learned about systems when I read cartoonist Scott Adams’ book “How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big.”  The book is an insightful and entertaining tale of his trek to success.  (Spoiler alert:  fail until you succeed.)

He says a goal is a “reach-it-and-be-done-with-it situation, a specific objective that you either achieve or don’t” sometime in the future.

Deciding to lose twenty pounds is a goal.

A system is “something you do on a regular basis that increases your odds of happiness in the long run.”

Deciding to eat healthily is a system.

Adams offers an oh-so-true-for-me description of what it’s like to have goals and why they don’t work: “Goal oriented people exist in a state of continuous pre-success failure at best, and permanent failure at worst if things never work out.  Systems people succeed every time they apply their system, in the sense that they did what they intended to do.  The goals people are fighting the feeling of discouragement at each turn.  The systems people are feeling good every time they apply their system.”

A personal example:  Some years ago I got tired of feeling like crap after a night out because I drank too much alcohol. I knew that I could have up to two drinks in a night, enjoy myself, and feel fine the next day.  Yet time after time I would drink two, say “what the hell” and order the third.

Eventually I figured out that if I started my night with a non-alcoholic drink and then alternated from alcoholic to non-alcoholic I could enjoy a couple of glasses of wine with dinner and not feel the desire to drink more.  After reading Adams’ book, I realized that I’d created a system.  Even when I’m a feeling a little indulgent, I can stick to my “every other” routine.

Systems aren’t based on temporary feelings.

Often goals such as “I’m going to lose weight!” come while standing on the scale. You react to a bad feeling about the number.

At that moment, we’re not actually faced with hunger or an offer of homemade cookies from a co-worker.  Later when we are, the sting of the scale has worn off and we can’t remember why it was so important to only eat vegetables all day.  If we again react to our current feelings, we’ll overeat.  Systems bypass the emotional check-in.

Here’s why it works for me. Usually, we  look inward to find flaws that interfere with reaching goals.  Then we put an effort into fixing flaws.  But there’s nothing wrong with us, so fixing ourselves is futile. If I don’t apply the system as I would have liked, I can simply look back and understand that I didn’t apply the system, NOT that I am a loser who can’t ever keep promises to myself.

Even though I know that the “New Year” is a time concept made up by mankind, one tiny blip in the eternity that is our universe, there is something powerful about turning the page.

This year, for each goal or resolution you want to set, think about a system that you can put into place instead. Put those systems into practice and over time you are sure to experience success.

Cheers!

Tired of working so hard to make your business a success? 

Want to make more money and get more clients with ease? 

Take my free 5 Day Abundance Challenge and leverage the power of my proven three step system for creating a prosperous business and an abundant life. 

Sign up today!


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Why your New Year’s resolutions might be doomed to fail (Part 1 of 2)

If you’re a regular at a gym you know that all the equipment is taken from January 1 through mid-February as everyone is working on their new commitment to get healthy. But by the end of February, the gym is back to normal.

Only 8% of people who make NY resolutions actually accomplish them. Why do we so often fail, despite swearing up and down that this is the year we’ll persevere? Here are my top five reasons:

You’re fixing something that’s “wrong” with you.
Any action you take based on feeling bad will be temporary. Saying “I’m fat” may compel you to action today, but if you don’t see results over time, you’ll progress from “I’m fat” to “I’m lazy” and “I’m incompetent.”

There’s nothing wrong with you. What’s true: your actions haven’t aligned with your vision. Instead of choosing to “lose weight,” choose to “be healthy” and follow up with the actions of a healthy person.

You put too much stake in being disciplined.
If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it a thousand times: when I ask people why they haven’t achieved their goals they say “I’m not disciplined” or “I’m just lazy.” They go on to wax poetic about how much better their lives would be if they could have more willpower. (Another form of “there’s something wrong with me.”)

Discipline is a RESULT of success, not the cause. When people believe that having discipline is a vital component of achieving every goal, they end up feeling inadequate. (You can read more about my viewpoint about laziness in this free guide about procrastination.) Don’t set up a barrier to success, as in, “I have to be disciplined to be healthy.” Instead, go straight to purposeful action.

You’re missing the big picture.
For the first couple of years after my daughter started school, the mornings in our house invariably ended with a meltdown or argument. I kept hoping that if I got up earlier or prepared better the night before, mornings would go more smoothly. Nothing seemed to help. Our relationship was souring.

I decided to focus on my real goal: stress-free, easy mornings we enjoyed together. I started by controlling my own reactions when she had her meltdowns. This allowed me to be patient, loving, and supportive – precisely what we both needed to create those stress-free mornings. My commitment to our relationship and enjoying that time together created the shift.

You want instant gratification.
If you expect results quickly and they don’t arrive, it’s easy to give up. Don’t discount small progress. It took my family over a year to get to smooth mornings, and we still have the occasional breakdown. When that happens I use it as a wake-up call to give our relationship more attention.

You don’t set yourself up to win.
I get it. The sky is the limit and anything’s possible. But if you haven’t been to the gym in forever, it’s highly unlikely that you’re going to suddenly start going 5 x a week for an hour. Or if you have $25,000 in credit card debt, no savings, and no steady income stream, it’s dubious that you’ll pay that all off in a year and save $10,000.

Time after time I’ve seen people strive for something way out of reach, and give up. The question I ask is, “What would be a win for you?” The answer might be “Take a walk at lunchtime three days a week” or “Get a job that I love and pay off $5,000 in debt.”

The success we dream of IS within reach, and you can create it in 2019. My next blog will reveal additional pitfalls and how to overcome them to create consistent, sustainable, breakthrough results all year long.

Attend my upcoming FREE webinar
Set Yourself Up for Success in 2019!”
January 15, 2019, from 1:00 – 2:00 to learn:

  • Why the amount of time, money and resources you have has no impact on what you can accomplish
  • The top reasons why most New Year’s resolutions fail, and what to do about them
  • How systems – not goals – will ensure your success
  • Eight common ways we sabotage our success
  • Plus a live Q&A session at the end!

Sign up today!


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3 tips for getting everything you want this holiday season (and in life)

My mother used to tell a story about a Christmas morning early in her marriage to my father.

She had her eye on a certain camelhair coat displayed at a department store. Her anticipation grew as Christmas drew near because a box appeared under the tree that was exactly the right size for the coat. She described how she reserved opening that particular present for last.

Finally, she tore off the paper, opened the box, and… it was a toilet seat cover!

Even telling the story decades later her face would contort in an expression of disappointment and resentment. It was meant as a practical joke by my father, but it fell flat, and he still rues the day he bought it.

Tip #1 – Ask for what you want – specifically!
I can’t say for sure that my mom didn’t ask for that coat directly, but I do know that he didn’t buy it and it didn’t end up under the tree. I’m guessing she had an assumption that he would know what she wanted, and get it for her. The number one mistake we make when we want something is not asking for it specifically!

I get exactly what I want during the holidays. Why? I not only tell my husband what I want, but I find it online and then send a link to him with a note saying “This is what I want.” We both end up happy – me because I got what I wanted, and him because there’s no pressure for him to figure it out on his own, risking disappointment.

Tip #2 – Ask for what you want, not what you don’t want
When I was younger, people often gave me clothes as gifts. It was a perfectly reasonable gift to give, but it really rankled me. I was very particular about what I wore, and I disliked feeling obligated to wear something I didn’t like. I complained about it, saying things like, “I wish people wouldn’t get me clothes.” or “You can get me anything except I don’t want clothes!” Guess what the universe heard over and over? Clothes, clothes, clothes! No wonder people were always getting them for me. As the saying goes, what you resist, persists. Instead, ask for what you DO want!

Tip #3 – To have what you want, want what you have
At a company holiday gift exchange, my husband once received a compact floor heater. I thought that was just about the dopiest gift you could ever give at a company gift exchange. Rather ungraciously, I remember poking fun of it at the time. Guess who ended up using that heater more than anyone else? Yep, me! In fact, I used it so much that I literally burned it out.

Part of experiencing the abundance of having what you want is wanting what you have. As Deepak Chopra said, “We never need to seek abundance. We simply need to notice and open up to what’s already there and allow the bounty of the universe to flow through us.” So be open to receiving what is coming your way. It may not be exactly as you imagined it would be, but if you practice receiving it gratefully and graciously, you might be surprised at how the gift becomes exactly what you want. And if it doesn’t, well, it’s perfectly OK to let it go.

The media bombards us with images of happy children gleefully opening presents on Christmas morning and men standing with blue Tiffany boxes behind their backs beside beautiful and unsuspecting women. These images imply that the joy of giving and receiving is in the surprise. Hogwash, I say.

The greatest joy in getting what you want, is getting what you want.

Getting what you want is as simple as asking for it.  As I always say: the most important thing you can do to begin your journey to abundance is to ask for what you want. To learn how to harness the power of asking, download my free guide “The Power of Asking” today!

 


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Want to grow your business? Make mistakes.

My daughter came home crying last week.

She recently got her first job, picking up a neighborhood boy once a week from his after school program, taking him to his swim class and then home.

The first two weeks things went very smoothly and I was proud of her. But last week she messed up.  First, she texted me to say that she was “taking a detour” after school and would be late getting home.  As it turned out, she had forgotten when she was supposed to pick him up. She arrived 45 minutes late, and he missed his swim class.   She was supposed to take him to the doctor’s after the swim class. She not only got off at the wrong subway stop, but also walked in the opposite direction from the doctor’s office.  In the end, they had to take a cab, an expense for the Mom.

“I took him the wrong way!  My literal job is to make sure he doesn’t do that!” she exclaimed through her tears.  The tears were mostly of embarrassment, but also from a sense of failure.

How I relate to the embarrassment of screwing up!  As an entrepreneur, it feels like I fail somehow every day.  And every mistake stings.

Recently I emailed someone who had signed up for my 5-Day Abundance Challenge to encourage her to start working on the lessons, only to realize that I had emailed the wrong person.  I have been known to double book appointments, lose track of emails, forget to follow up and even completely blank on whole conversations.  I have overlooked billing a monthly coaching fee, which meant I had to sheepishly call my client and explain that she now owes me for two months.  I’ve made mistakes on emails that go out to thousands of people. The list goes on and on.

Frankly, these screw-ups are for me the hardest part of being an entrepreneur.   I battle with the aspiration to do it all “perfectly,” which just isn’t possible.

After the flow of my daughter’s tears lessened, we talked about what she could do to make things right; specifically, what to say to the Mom and how.

1. First, apologize. Ordinarily, I’m not a big fan of apologizing. I believe we over apologize in life. Many times we don’t really mean “I’m sorry,“ we mean “Please bear with me.“ or “Oops! I didn’t mean to do that.“ or “Pardon me.” Watch yourself for a few days and see how often you apologize for small things that you really don’t need to be sorry for!

There is value, though, in acknowledging to the other person that you realize you made a mistake, and owning up to your part in any bad consequences. Isabel had already said “sorry” quite a few times to the Mom, but I encouraged her to be more specific, saying “I realize I did not live up to my commitment and I am sorry for that.”

2. Offer reparation. In the 25+ years I have been in business as an entrepreneur, I have learned that if someone is unhappy with my service, it’s helpful to offer a way to make up for it. For me, it could be in the form of an extra coaching session or two. About half of the time, the gesture alone is enough to make people happy, and they don’t even take me up on it. In Isabel’s case, I suggested that she let the Mom know that she didn’t have to pay Isabel for the day.

3. Then make a commitment to the future. I tell clients that they need not live forever in the shadow of a “failure”. Forgive yourself and focus on what’s next. I counseled Isabel to say, “You can count on me to be on time moving forward.” This is the most important part because it’s how you rebuild trust. Of course, that trust will stick only if you live up to your words.

I believe that making mistakes is a crucial part of growing your business.  Being an entrepreneur is inherently risky, so if you’re not making mistakes, it means you’re not taking risks.  Every action can seem magnified in importance when your business is on the line. But in all my years of coaching I’ve yet to see a mistake that my client didn’t recover from. Business is remarkably resilient.  Isabel was afraid she’d lose the job. In the end, the Mom stuck with her and insisted on paying her for that day.

Knowing this doesn’t necessarily make it any less stressful.  But if you follow these three steps, you can move past your breakdown, learn from the experience, and continue to express your brilliance.

Tired of working so hard to make your business a success?  Want to make more money and get more clients with ease?  Take my free 5 Day Abundance Challenge and leverage the power of my proven three step system for creating abundance.  Sign up today!