Leave a comment

What have you been wanting to do for a long time?

Is there something that you’ve wanted to do for a really long time, but just haven’t gotten done?

For me that “something” is to write a book.

Even as a child, I wanted to be a writer. I penned poems and short stories, and dreamed of someday writing a novel.

When I developed my coaching programs, I visualized putting the concepts into writing so that I could reach a larger audience. I fantasized about being on The Today Show like my friend and ukulele singing partner Jeanne Martinet for her bestselling book The Art of Mingling (which I highly recommend and is on my list of books).

But year after year has gone by, and I just never did it.

I know there are lots of reasons I haven’t followed through. The voices in my head say, “I don’t know how to write a book.” “Who will read it besides my friends and family?” “What if it’s a flop?” “I’m not a real author.” “It’ll take way too much time.” I could go on, but you probably hear the same voices in your head.

Enter short books.

Short books are books that are – you guessed it, short! They don’t require months of writing in solitude or elaborate outlines, publishing houses or publicity tours. They don’t even have to be particularly good.

While I’ve known about short books for a while, I kinda turned my nose up at them, because, ya know, I wanted to be a legit author with a bestselling book. But I’ve finally come to the realization that it’s all a bunch of bull, and what really matters is Writing. A. Book.

So I’ve joined a short book accountability group, and tonight is our first meeting. I’m both excited and nervous about starting. Excited because “I’m doing it!” And nervous because, “What if I don’t do it??”

Having a group for support is one of the best ways you can get past what’s keep you stuck and overwhelmed and propel you into action. That’s why I’ve been hosting my Mindset Reset Community Call every Wednesday at 1:00 PM EST. On the call you’ll get the support from me as a coach as well as a supportive community of like-minded entrepreneurs. So if there’s something that you’ve wanted to get done for a while, join us every Wednesday to get into action.

Hope to see you on the call!


Leave a comment

What’s the real value of goal setting?

Recently, I attended an event for entrepreneurs where the discussion topic was SMART goals.

If you’ve ever done any research on the most effective ways to set goals, you’ve probably heard about this method. SMART stands for “specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time bound.”

There’s no doubt that the SMART structure will help you to set goals that are doable while keeping you focused and accountable. Which is great, if you actually, y’know, DO the goals.

However, all too often my clients come to our coaching calls with incomplete tasks, sometimes week after week. They get discouraged because they don’t see their desired results, and sometimes they even want to give up.

Most people are focused on the results of their goals being the grand prize. I disagree. While of course I want to see people succeed at what they set out to do, there’s a greater value in goal setting that no one talks about.

Watch this quick video about what the real (and hidden) value of setting goals is.


Leave a comment

“Inbox Zero”? Not!

Ever hear about the “Inbox Zero” email philosophy, where by the end of the day you have zero emails in your inbox?

Yeah, that’s not me.

I was up to over 1,500 emails in my work inbox. (Don’t get me started about what’s in my personal inbox.)

The oldest email was from 2010. Yes, I still had emails in my inbox from ten years ago that I told myself I was going to work on.

One of the consistent themes I hear from my coaching clients is how overwhelmed they feel. I can relate: I felt barraged by the daily emails adding to this voluminous pile. So, I would focus on just the top 40 or so and hope that I wasn’t missing anything important. But of course, I did miss stuff all the time.

About 6 months ago, I finally acknowledged that the sheer weight of these incomplete tasks was seriously impacting my productivity, and I resolved to reduce them. Like losing the first 5 lbs. on a diet, I was able to easily eliminate 500.

The next 500 presented more of a challenge. I forced myself to acknowledge whether I actually was going to ever read the articles, follow up with that person, etc. Sometimes the decision was made for me because the links were long gone. And I knew that someone who invited me to a networking event 3 years ago surely didn’t remember me.

The last 500 have proven to be the toughest of all. I noticed my justifications for keeping them: “I do want to work on that, but not yet.” There are also items that I have some guilt about – promises I made to get back to people that I never honored, missed opportunities, or stuff I “should” do but really don’t want to.

Here are my key takeaways from enduring this process:

  1. Email is a terrible “to-do list” system. They come in randomly, aren’t organized in any specific way, and linger forever.
  2. Email is also a terrible information storage system. It’s silly to save something “I might need someday” if I can’t even find it when that day arrives.
  3. Incomplete tasks wear me down, even more than the volume of tasks I have to do.
  4. It’s time to stop kidding myself that I’m ever going to read/watch/answer/ follow up on items that are over a year old. And that’s OK!
  5. Avoiding something doesn’t make it less painful to deal with later.
  6. A reminder that scarcity = holding on, while abundance = letting go

I’m now down to the last 137 emails, and though I’ll likely never get to zero, the restraints of those incomplete tasks have been released, freeing me to be happily productive.


Leave a comment

Have you been feeling this way?

I’m hosting a free weekly group Zoom call to support our community of entrepreneurs. We meet on Wednesdays at 1:00 PM EST. Jump on the call tomorrow! Details are below.

Last Wednesday we discussed ways to stay productive during this crazy time. It’s a theme I’ve been hearing consistently from my coaching clients, who tell me they feel unfocused. There’s certainly no lack of distractions vying for our attention, from daily press conferences, to videos of how to stay safe when shopping for food, to real concerns about our friends and family who may be sick with the virus.

A few people shared about how they work all day but get to the end of the day feeling like they didn’t get anything done. But that’s not necessarily true. Just because you feel unproductive, doesn’t mean you are unproductive.

I love this chart from Todd Herman, the creator of The 90 Day Year. He talks about how the human brain tricks us into thinking we haven’t made progress when actually we have. On the left he illustrates how if you’re only measuring the gap from where you are to where you want to be, you’ll be in the “chasm of despair,” whereas on the right if you look back to measure how far you’ve come, you’ll be in the “valley of confidence.”

The reality is that no matter how much we do, there’s always going to be more to do. As a general rule, entrepreneurs are a driven bunch who have ambitious plans. When we reach a goal, we rarely rest on our laurels, and instead move on to what’s next.

One tactic you can use is to write down what you do during the day. Then at the end of the day you can review it and see the facts of how much you actually accomplished, not just what you think you accomplished. Don’t discount the “small” actions, which when done consistently will add up to big results.

Join me tomorrow, Wednesday, April 1 at 1:00 PM EST so that we can come together to share our concerns and get support. The link to join is https://zoom.us/j/6180860750 or dial 646-876-9923 and use meeting code 618-086-0750.

Send me a quick message here to let me know you’ll be joining, and feel free to spread the word to others.

I look forward to seeing you on the call!

P.S. If you’ve been feeling scattered and unfocused, you’re not alone. Jump on tomorrow’s call to get support to keep your business moving forward.


Leave a comment

Don’t fall for that “best year ever” stuff…

In the last couple weeks, my inbox has been inundated with emails entreating me to have my Best. Year. Ever!!

Instead of inspiring me, these emails stress me out. As my client Megan said, “Why does 2019 have to compete with 2020?” Or any other year, for that matter?

The year I turned 21 was pretty great. That’s the year that I traveled all around the world as a photographer.

The year I got married, and the years when I had each of my two children, were pretty awesome too.

Then there was the year that I started my business, and the year my husband Jon quit his job to join me. There was the year that I hit 6 figures in my business for the first time, and the year that I changed my business model completely to become a transformational coach for entrepreneurs.

I’m not saying I haven’t had my struggles. A person can’t be in business for 25 years (and married for 23) without some significant ups and downs. There was the year I was diagnosed with lymphoma, and the year of 9/11 when the economy had a huge slowdown. There was the year my biggest corporate client was also my biggest pain in the butt.

Yet all those years were also rich with learning and experiences that ended with gratitude.

When we fall into the trap of anticipating that this year will be the “one”, we both denigrate our past successes and set ourselves up for future disappointment if things don’t turn out exactly as we’ve dreamed.

As my sister Jennifer so wisely said, “Let’s go for depth, not distance.”

I’ve got a lot planned for the year and I have a clear intention to have it be fun, creative, and prosperous for everyone I work with.

That’s why I developed a free masterclass called ‘LEAP 2020’, a transformative approach to business planning. 

During the LEAP 2020 training, you’ll build on past successes, leverage what you’ve learned from your breakdowns, and create a personalized path to abundance in your business for 2020. You can register here.


1 Comment

The Anti-New Year’s Resolutions: Systems, not Goals (Part 2 of 2)

Part 2 of a 2-part series (click here for part 1 to learn about why New Year’s resolutions don’t work.)

I love that freshly-washed feeling of the turn of a new year.  It could just be that I get more sleep in the 10 days between Christmas and New Year’s when the kids are off from school,  But I seem to have more energy to clear away any unpleasantness I’ve been tolerating. And like many people, I look ahead to the coming year.

Over time, I’ve changed my perspective on how helpful resolutions can be.  I’ve had my own varying degrees of success, and have stopped setting so many “goals.”  Now I focus on intentions or themes for the year.  Last year’s theme was “clarity” and this year’s theme is emerging as “release.”

If intentions and themes are too vague for you, then consider using “systems” rather than “goals.”

I learned about systems when I read cartoonist Scott Adams’ book “How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big.”  The book is an insightful and entertaining tale of his trek to success.  (Spoiler alert:  fail until you succeed.)

He says a goal is a “reach-it-and-be-done-with-it situation, a specific objective that you either achieve or don’t” sometime in the future.

Deciding to lose twenty pounds is a goal.

A system is “something you do on a regular basis that increases your odds of happiness in the long run.”

Deciding to eat healthily is a system.

Adams offers an oh-so-true-for-me description of what it’s like to have goals and why they don’t work: “Goal oriented people exist in a state of continuous pre-success failure at best, and permanent failure at worst if things never work out.  Systems people succeed every time they apply their system, in the sense that they did what they intended to do.  The goals people are fighting the feeling of discouragement at each turn.  The systems people are feeling good every time they apply their system.”

A personal example:  Some years ago I got tired of feeling like crap after a night out because I drank too much alcohol. I knew that I could have up to two drinks in a night, enjoy myself, and feel fine the next day.  Yet time after time I would drink two, say “what the hell” and order the third.

Eventually I figured out that if I started my night with a non-alcoholic drink and then alternated from alcoholic to non-alcoholic I could enjoy a couple of glasses of wine with dinner and not feel the desire to drink more.  After reading Adams’ book, I realized that I’d created a system.  Even when I’m a feeling a little indulgent, I can stick to my “every other” routine.

Systems aren’t based on temporary feelings.

Often goals such as “I’m going to lose weight!” come while standing on the scale. You react to a bad feeling about the number.

At that moment, we’re not actually faced with hunger or an offer of homemade cookies from a co-worker.  Later when we are, the sting of the scale has worn off and we can’t remember why it was so important to only eat vegetables all day.  If we again react to our current feelings, we’ll overeat.  Systems bypass the emotional check-in.

Here’s why it works for me. Usually, we  look inward to find flaws that interfere with reaching goals.  Then we put an effort into fixing flaws.  But there’s nothing wrong with us, so fixing ourselves is futile. If I don’t apply the system as I would have liked, I can simply look back and understand that I didn’t apply the system, NOT that I am a loser who can’t ever keep promises to myself.

Even though I know that the “New Year” is a time concept made up by mankind, one tiny blip in the eternity that is our universe, there is something powerful about turning the page.

This year, for each goal or resolution you want to set, think about a system that you can put into place instead. Put those systems into practice and over time you are sure to experience success.

Cheers!

Tired of working so hard to make your business a success? 

Want to make more money and get more clients with ease? 

Take my free 5 Day Abundance Challenge and leverage the power of my proven three step system for creating a prosperous business and an abundant life. 

Sign up today!


Leave a comment

Why your New Year’s resolutions might be doomed to fail (Part 1 of 2)

If you’re a regular at a gym you know that all the equipment is taken from January 1 through mid-February as everyone is working on their new commitment to get healthy. But by the end of February, the gym is back to normal.

Only 8% of people who make NY resolutions actually accomplish them. Why do we so often fail, despite swearing up and down that this is the year we’ll persevere? Here are my top five reasons:

You’re fixing something that’s “wrong” with you.
Any action you take based on feeling bad will be temporary. Saying “I’m fat” may compel you to action today, but if you don’t see results over time, you’ll progress from “I’m fat” to “I’m lazy” and “I’m incompetent.”

There’s nothing wrong with you. What’s true: your actions haven’t aligned with your vision. Instead of choosing to “lose weight,” choose to “be healthy” and follow up with the actions of a healthy person.

You put too much stake in being disciplined.
If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it a thousand times: when I ask people why they haven’t achieved their goals they say “I’m not disciplined” or “I’m just lazy.” They go on to wax poetic about how much better their lives would be if they could have more willpower. (Another form of “there’s something wrong with me.”)

Discipline is a RESULT of success, not the cause. When people believe that having discipline is a vital component of achieving every goal, they end up feeling inadequate. (You can read more about my viewpoint about laziness in this free guide about procrastination.) Don’t set up a barrier to success, as in, “I have to be disciplined to be healthy.” Instead, go straight to purposeful action.

You’re missing the big picture.
For the first couple of years after my daughter started school, the mornings in our house invariably ended with a meltdown or argument. I kept hoping that if I got up earlier or prepared better the night before, mornings would go more smoothly. Nothing seemed to help. Our relationship was souring.

I decided to focus on my real goal: stress-free, easy mornings we enjoyed together. I started by controlling my own reactions when she had her meltdowns. This allowed me to be patient, loving, and supportive – precisely what we both needed to create those stress-free mornings. My commitment to our relationship and enjoying that time together created the shift.

You want instant gratification.
If you expect results quickly and they don’t arrive, it’s easy to give up. Don’t discount small progress. It took my family over a year to get to smooth mornings, and we still have the occasional breakdown. When that happens I use it as a wake-up call to give our relationship more attention.

You don’t set yourself up to win.
I get it. The sky is the limit and anything’s possible. But if you haven’t been to the gym in forever, it’s highly unlikely that you’re going to suddenly start going 5 x a week for an hour. Or if you have $25,000 in credit card debt, no savings, and no steady income stream, it’s dubious that you’ll pay that all off in a year and save $10,000.

Time after time I’ve seen people strive for something way out of reach, and give up. The question I ask is, “What would be a win for you?” The answer might be “Take a walk at lunchtime three days a week” or “Get a job that I love and pay off $5,000 in debt.”

The success we dream of IS within reach, and you can create it in 2019. My next blog will reveal additional pitfalls and how to overcome them to create consistent, sustainable, breakthrough results all year long.

Attend my upcoming FREE webinar
Set Yourself Up for Success in 2019!”
January 15, 2019, from 1:00 – 2:00 to learn:

  • Why the amount of time, money and resources you have has no impact on what you can accomplish
  • The top reasons why most New Year’s resolutions fail, and what to do about them
  • How systems – not goals – will ensure your success
  • Eight common ways we sabotage our success
  • Plus a live Q&A session at the end!

Sign up today!


Leave a comment

3 tips for getting everything you want this holiday season (and in life)

My mother used to tell a story about a Christmas morning early in her marriage to my father.

She had her eye on a certain camelhair coat displayed at a department store. Her anticipation grew as Christmas drew near because a box appeared under the tree that was exactly the right size for the coat. She described how she reserved opening that particular present for last.

Finally, she tore off the paper, opened the box, and… it was a toilet seat cover!

Even telling the story decades later her face would contort in an expression of disappointment and resentment. It was meant as a practical joke by my father, but it fell flat, and he still rues the day he bought it.

Tip #1 – Ask for what you want – specifically!
I can’t say for sure that my mom didn’t ask for that coat directly, but I do know that he didn’t buy it and it didn’t end up under the tree. I’m guessing she had an assumption that he would know what she wanted, and get it for her. The number one mistake we make when we want something is not asking for it specifically!

I get exactly what I want during the holidays. Why? I not only tell my husband what I want, but I find it online and then send a link to him with a note saying “This is what I want.” We both end up happy – me because I got what I wanted, and him because there’s no pressure for him to figure it out on his own, risking disappointment.

Tip #2 – Ask for what you want, not what you don’t want
When I was younger, people often gave me clothes as gifts. It was a perfectly reasonable gift to give, but it really rankled me. I was very particular about what I wore, and I disliked feeling obligated to wear something I didn’t like. I complained about it, saying things like, “I wish people wouldn’t get me clothes.” or “You can get me anything except I don’t want clothes!” Guess what the universe heard over and over? Clothes, clothes, clothes! No wonder people were always getting them for me. As the saying goes, what you resist, persists. Instead, ask for what you DO want!

Tip #3 – To have what you want, want what you have
At a company holiday gift exchange, my husband once received a compact floor heater. I thought that was just about the dopiest gift you could ever give at a company gift exchange. Rather ungraciously, I remember poking fun of it at the time. Guess who ended up using that heater more than anyone else? Yep, me! In fact, I used it so much that I literally burned it out.

Part of experiencing the abundance of having what you want is wanting what you have. As Deepak Chopra said, “We never need to seek abundance. We simply need to notice and open up to what’s already there and allow the bounty of the universe to flow through us.” So be open to receiving what is coming your way. It may not be exactly as you imagined it would be, but if you practice receiving it gratefully and graciously, you might be surprised at how the gift becomes exactly what you want. And if it doesn’t, well, it’s perfectly OK to let it go.

The media bombards us with images of happy children gleefully opening presents on Christmas morning and men standing with blue Tiffany boxes behind their backs beside beautiful and unsuspecting women. These images imply that the joy of giving and receiving is in the surprise. Hogwash, I say.

The greatest joy in getting what you want, is getting what you want.

Getting what you want is as simple as asking for it.  As I always say: the most important thing you can do to begin your journey to abundance is to ask for what you want. To learn how to harness the power of asking, download my free guide “The Power of Asking” today!

 


2 Comments

Want to grow your business? Make mistakes.

My daughter came home crying last week.

She recently got her first job, picking up a neighborhood boy once a week from his after school program, taking him to his swim class and then home.

The first two weeks things went very smoothly and I was proud of her. But last week she messed up.  First, she texted me to say that she was “taking a detour” after school and would be late getting home.  As it turned out, she had forgotten when she was supposed to pick him up. She arrived 45 minutes late, and he missed his swim class.   She was supposed to take him to the doctor’s after the swim class. She not only got off at the wrong subway stop, but also walked in the opposite direction from the doctor’s office.  In the end, they had to take a cab, an expense for the Mom.

“I took him the wrong way!  My literal job is to make sure he doesn’t do that!” she exclaimed through her tears.  The tears were mostly of embarrassment, but also from a sense of failure.

How I relate to the embarrassment of screwing up!  As an entrepreneur, it feels like I fail somehow every day.  And every mistake stings.

Recently I emailed someone who had signed up for my 5-Day Abundance Challenge to encourage her to start working on the lessons, only to realize that I had emailed the wrong person.  I have been known to double book appointments, lose track of emails, forget to follow up and even completely blank on whole conversations.  I have overlooked billing a monthly coaching fee, which meant I had to sheepishly call my client and explain that she now owes me for two months.  I’ve made mistakes on emails that go out to thousands of people. The list goes on and on.

Frankly, these screw-ups are for me the hardest part of being an entrepreneur.   I battle with the aspiration to do it all “perfectly,” which just isn’t possible.

After the flow of my daughter’s tears lessened, we talked about what she could do to make things right; specifically, what to say to the Mom and how.

1. First, apologize. Ordinarily, I’m not a big fan of apologizing. I believe we over apologize in life. Many times we don’t really mean “I’m sorry,“ we mean “Please bear with me.“ or “Oops! I didn’t mean to do that.“ or “Pardon me.” Watch yourself for a few days and see how often you apologize for small things that you really don’t need to be sorry for!

There is value, though, in acknowledging to the other person that you realize you made a mistake, and owning up to your part in any bad consequences. Isabel had already said “sorry” quite a few times to the Mom, but I encouraged her to be more specific, saying “I realize I did not live up to my commitment and I am sorry for that.”

2. Offer reparation. In the 25+ years I have been in business as an entrepreneur, I have learned that if someone is unhappy with my service, it’s helpful to offer a way to make up for it. For me, it could be in the form of an extra coaching session or two. About half of the time, the gesture alone is enough to make people happy, and they don’t even take me up on it. In Isabel’s case, I suggested that she let the Mom know that she didn’t have to pay Isabel for the day.

3. Then make a commitment to the future. I tell clients that they need not live forever in the shadow of a “failure”. Forgive yourself and focus on what’s next. I counseled Isabel to say, “You can count on me to be on time moving forward.” This is the most important part because it’s how you rebuild trust. Of course, that trust will stick only if you live up to your words.

I believe that making mistakes is a crucial part of growing your business.  Being an entrepreneur is inherently risky, so if you’re not making mistakes, it means you’re not taking risks.  Every action can seem magnified in importance when your business is on the line. But in all my years of coaching I’ve yet to see a mistake that my client didn’t recover from. Business is remarkably resilient.  Isabel was afraid she’d lose the job. In the end, the Mom stuck with her and insisted on paying her for that day.

Knowing this doesn’t necessarily make it any less stressful.  But if you follow these three steps, you can move past your breakdown, learn from the experience, and continue to express your brilliance.

Tired of working so hard to make your business a success?  Want to make more money and get more clients with ease?  Take my free 5 Day Abundance Challenge and leverage the power of my proven three step system for creating abundance.  Sign up today!


Leave a comment

Money Talks – Get in on the Conversation

A hot topic these days is why the “1%” have accumulated so much wealth.  Perhaps you’ve seen the viral video demonstrating, with impressive graphics and mind-boggling statistics, the chasm between the nation’s wealthiest and the bottom 20 percent.

So how did 1% do so well?  Is it because they greedily and purposely hoard wealth to keep it away from the rest of us?  Are people poor because they are lazy or financially irresponsible, especially when on public assistance?  Does the government unfairly favor the rich and big business?

Here’s my question:  who cares?

How much money they have has nothing to do with how much money you have.  There is an unlimited amount of money available to all of us, and the key is not figuring out why they have more than you do, but rather why you don’t have as much as you want.

Here are some common ideas about money that keep us from creating as much as we want:

#1 –Money is a “thing” or a fixed entity

Money is energy.  Dollar bills and coins are merely symbols of the life energy we exchange and use as a result of the service we provide to the universe and to each other.  Thinking of money as an object restricts our ability to create it freely.  By learning to acknowledge it as energy, you will have unlimited access to it.

#2 –There is a limited supply; if wealthy people have too much, it takes away from my supply.

Back to reason #1.  There can be no limit because money is not a fixed entity.  There is an unlimited supply.  How much someone else has does not affect how much you have now, or will have in the future.  Ever!

People from the poorest and most difficult backgrounds — Steve Jobs and J.K Rowling are two — have found great fiscal success.   The top 1% didn’t stop them.

#3 –Money is directly related to personal worth.

People have the mistaken notion that you have to “deserve” money.  Wealthy people, the argument goes, shouldn’t have so much, because no one “deserves” that kind of money. Who came up with this idea of “deserving” anyway?  To say “all that I deserve” puts a limit on it.  How do you know if you deserve it? Who decides if you deserve it?

Money is neutral.  It doesn’t care if you deserve it or not.  You have as much money as you have created up until now. End of story.

#4 – It is more noble to be poor than rich, and rich people are selfish.

Stories often portray the rich as unfeeling and stingy, and the poor as benevolent and generous.  While true that the working class gives more to charity proportionate to their income than wealthy people, it’s not true that all rich people are selfish. If you fear being pegged as stingy, you might be less inclined to have financial abundance.

#5 – You have to have money to make money. 

Since money is energy, it can be created from nothing.  Don’t believe me?  Try this.  Just ask someone for money,   someone that you know will give it to you. You ask, they give, and you have it.  There!  Created from nothing!

#6 – Money is good – wait, no, it’s bad..

We’re told “Money makes the world go round” yet “money is the root of all evil.”  “Money can’t buy happiness”, but we’re convinced that we’d be happier if we had more of it.  No wonder money seems so perplexing.  We’ve received mixed messages about money that are confusing and incorrect!

#7 – We are not skilled at receiving money. 

Actually, we’re usually not skilled at receiving in general, but money in particular presents challenges for people.  It stems back to reason #3 (we don’t think we deserve it) and reason #4 (if we accept it we’re not good people.)

I have a personal policy – whenever anyone ever offers me money, I take it.  I want the universe to know that I am open to receiving money at any time.  So, I always say yes!

It’s all about perspective

The makers of the video I mentioned above despair at the chasm between the top 1% and the bottom 20%. However, if we took the bottom 20% of the US demographic and compared just that portion to the demographics of most “developing” nations, it would likely fall in, if not the top 1% then at least the top 10 or 20% of a graph of all those nations.

Think of it this way.  First, put yourself somewhere on this scale:

Affluent
Prosperous
Managing
Struggling
Impoverished
Destitute

Most “middle class” people put themselves somewhere around “managing” or “struggling”. Now, think about the photo of that child that UNICEF sends out when soliciting donations – the one that hasn’t eaten for a month and has a distended stomach and two parents with AIDS. Compare yourself and your situation to that child, and place yourself on the scale. Compared to that child, you’re affluent.

Back to my original point.  How much the 1% has, while certainly unbalanced, is irrelevant to how much money I have the OPPORTUNITY to create.  For that, we’re all on equal footing.

Money inspires endless intrigue and debate.  We spend countless hours trying to figure out how to make more money, and then how to keep the money we have or make it grow – and too often we feel we have failed.

The irony is that all of us can tap into an unlimited amount of money. Does that sound crazy, unrealistic, pie-in-the-sky? The reasons money feels out of reach  are not what you think.

Come to my next live Brownies and Breakthroughs event “Money Talks – Get in on the Conversation” on Wednesday, April 25, 2018 from 6:30 – 8:30 PM to dispel old myths and gain a new perspective about money that will enable you to generate the wealth you want, starting today!


Leave a comment

Go for the bronze

Last weekend, I felt completely humiliated at church.

On that Sunday, we were planning a special service honoring women. However, during choir rehearsal, we had too many pieces to run through, and I never got to rehearse my solo, “I Am Woman” by Helen Reddy, intended to be the culminating moment.

I know that rehearsal makes all the difference, but there simply wasn’t time, and I sure wasn’t going to back out. I approached the microphone with great trepidation. Long story short, it fell flat.  Literally, flat.

I sat down next to my husband, red-faced.  He said something to me and I stared blankly at him.  All I could reply was, “I’m not listening to you right now; I’m too humiliated.” After years of singing at church, both in the choir and as a soloist, I felt I had gone from respected musician to complete failure.

After the service, my singing partner Jeanne came over. I explained that we hadn’t rehearsed. She gave me a hug and then said, “There is something to be said for the person who puts ego and fears aside and says, ‘I’ll do my best.’ That in and of itself is a success.”

It took me a couple days to get over the sting of the experience, but it got me thinking: What is success, really?

We are conditioned by our culture to define “success” as big wins and major accomplishments. Because of that, we are averse to taking risks, especially when we’re not confident. But is success only when you get a standing ovation after a gold medal performance?  Maybe success can be going on stage and singing your heart out, even if you go off tune. Maybe success is doing your best with the resources you have.  Maybe success is having an experience that you wouldn’t have had otherwise had you not taken that risk.

I applaud Olympic snowboarders Shaun White, Red Gerard, and Chloe Kim for their spectacular gold medals. And I’m inspired by Pita Toufatofua, the Tongan taekwondo-turned-cross-country-skier who only got to ski on real snow for the first time 90 days ago.  His big accomplishment?  Not coming in dead last.

Sometimes we go all out and shine. Sometimes we don’t try hard and do well. And sometimes success is just showing up.

#redefinesuccess

I invite you to join me at my next live “Bagels and Breakthroughs” networking and coaching event on Feb. 28, 2018 from 8:30 – 10:30 AM, where the topic will be “Success: Yours for the Making!”  During this event we will:

  • Explore and challenge traditional ideas about “success”
  • Gain greater understanding of our barriers to success
  • Network with and get support from fellow entrepreneurs and professionals

For more information and to register, click here.


Leave a comment

Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work (Part 1 of 2)

If you’re a regular at a gym you know that all the equipment is taken from January 1 through mid-February as everyone is working on their new commitment to get healthy. But by the end of February, the gym is back to normal.

Only 8% of people who make NY resolutions actually accomplish them. Why do we so often fail, despite swearing up and down that this is the year we’ll persevere?

  • You’re fixing something that’s “wrong” with you.
    Any action you take based on feeling bad will be temporary. Saying “I’m fat” may compel you to action today, but if you don’t see results over time, you’ll progress from “I’m fat” to “I’m lazy” and “I’m incompetent.”There’s nothing wrong with you. What’s true: your actions haven’t aligned with your vision. Instead of choosing to “lose weight,” choose to “be healthy” and follow up with the actions of a healthy person.
  • You put too much stake in being disciplined.
    If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it a thousand times: when I ask people why they haven’t achieved their goals they say “I’m not disciplined” or “I’m just lazy.” They go on to wax poetic about how much better their lives would be if they could have more willpower. (Another form of “there’s something wrong with me.”)Discipline is a RESULT of success, not the cause. When people believe that having discipline is a vital component of achieving every goal, they end up feeling inadequate. (You can read more about my viewpoint about laziness in this free guide http://lizwolfecoaching.com/resources/breaking-procastination/ about procrastination.) Don’t set up a barrier to success, as in, “I have to be disciplined to be healthy.” Instead, go straight to purposeful action.
  • You’re missing the big picture.
    For the first couple of years after my daughter started school, the mornings in our house invariably ended with a meltdown or argument. I kept hoping that if I got up earlier or prepared better the night before, mornings would go more smoothly. Nothing seemed to help. Our relationship was souring.I decided to focus on my real goal: stress-free, easy mornings we enjoyed together. I started by controlling my own reactions when she had her meltdowns. This allowed me to be patient, loving, and supportive – precisely what we both needed to create those stress-free mornings. My commitment to our relationship and enjoying that time together created the shift.
  • You want instant gratification.
    If you expect results quickly and they don’t arrive, it’s easy to give up. Don’t discount small progress. It took my family over a year to get to smooth mornings, and we still have the occasional breakdown. When that happens I use it as a wakeup call to give our relationship more attention.
  • You don’t set yourself up to win.
    I get it. The sky is the limit and anything’s possible. But if you haven’t been to the gym in forever, it’s highly unlikely that you’re going to suddenly start going 5 x a week for an hour. Or if you have $25,000 in credit card debt, no savings, and no steady income stream, it’s dubious that you’ll pay that all off in a year and save $10,000.Time after time I’ve seen people strive for something way out of reach, and give up. The question I ask is, “What would be a win for you?” The answer might be “Take a walk at lunchtime three days a week” or “Get a job that I love and pay off $5,000 in debt.”

The success we dream of IS within reach, and you can create it in 2018. My next blog will reveal additional pitfalls and how to overcome them to create consistent, sustainable, breakthrough results all year long.

 Join me for “Goals vs. Intentions vs. Resolutions: Set Yourself Up for Success in 2018”, a “Bagels and Breakthroughs” networking and coaching event for entrepreneurs on January 31, 2018 in New York City.  

  • The top reasons why most New Year’s resolutions fail, and what to do about them
  • How systems – not goals – will ensure your success
  • Why the amount of time, money and resources you have has no impact on what you can accomplish

To register, click here.


5 Comments

I just assumed I would be 40 and divorced

Happy Anniversary to me!  That’s right, I’ve been married to my husband Jon for 21 years as of last week.  That’s a pretty big accomplishment in and of itself, but given my family history, it’s even more astonishing.

My parents divorced when I was just 10 years old.  Not only that, but every other adult female in my mother’s family was divorced.  I grew up surrounded by women who were “done wrong” in some way or another by a man.

I had no role models for relationship.  My mother outright told me, “You can’t trust men.”  (Actually, she said “You can’t trust SHORT men.”  My dad is about 5’6”.)

When I imagined what my life would be like when I was in my 40s, I literally pictured myself as a divorced single mom.  I simply didn’t know how to maintain a long term, loving relationship.  Therefore, I didn’t think it was even possible.  The framework I lived in was “you can’t trust men” and I brought that idea with me to every relationship.  No surprises that the men I attracted were, you guessed it, untrustworthy.

Then in my late 20s I participated in an exercise during a workshop that explored trust.  We did a mingle where we went up other participants and said either “I trust you”, “I don’t trust you”, or “I don’t know if I trust you.”  After the exercise the trainer asked us a series of questions.  One of them was, “How many of you said “I don’t trust you” to all the men?”  My hand shot up in the air.  I must have attracted his attention with my enthusiasm because he looked right at me and said, “Is that true?  You can’t trust all men?”

That was the moment when I realized that as long as I believed that men were not trustworthy like it was the “truth” I was destined for a failed marriage.  Challenging that belief and then eventually shifting it to “Men are trustworthy and available to me” paved the way for me to create a relationship with Jon.

That was just the tip of the iceberg in understanding just how many beliefs I had that were limiting me in my life.  In my business, ideas such as “The only way to succeed is to work day and night” and “You have to know someone to get a break” and “Being successful requires discipline and I’m not disciplined” created hidden barriers that all but stopped me.  Only by challenging each one was I able to create a successful business (which by the way, I started with my husband the year we were married!)

Sometimes our beliefs become so hardened and “real” to us that it is difficult to see it any other way.  If you become aware of a belief that is limiting you, you can begin to shift it by asking the simple question “Is this true?” Most times you’ll be able to see that the answer is no.  If you’re not sure of the answer or it still feels true to you, look around for evidence that defies your belief.  By seeking it out, you’ll loosen the hold that the belief has on you.  In my case, I looked for couples that were happy in their marriage and had been together a long time.  Once I started looking, I found a lot more of them than I expected.

I know that people usually don’t pay much attention to anniversaries unless they’re a “big” one, but I celebrate each year that I’m married as a miracle.  Shout out to my husband Jon for being on the journey with me and being that trustworthy man who showed up at the right time.

 

Don’t miss what might be your last opportunity to attend the Abundance Breakthrough Course on Sept. 22 – 24 in NYC. We’ll uncover and bust up those limiting beliefs you have about what it takes to create the life of your dreams – and make it happen now! See link for details. 


5 Comments

When bad things happen to good entrepreneurs

I left my laptop on a NYC subway. Yep, I was taking my daughter to a dance camp in Brooklyn and I left the computer bag on the D train.

The crazy part was that I didn’t even notice until a full hour later, after I had gotten her settled in to camp. As I was leaving I realized my bag wasn’t on my shoulder.  I was convinced I had left it somewhere at the dance studio, but a thorough search proved otherwise.

I cried the whole way home on the subway. Continue reading


Leave a comment

Are you solving problems you don’t have?

Did you know that a major obstacle keeping people from achieving their goals is that they spend their mental energy on solving problems they don’t even have?  I call this “The Governor of Kentucky syndrome”, as illustrated by a personal story I heard from Marilyn Graman, a Psychotherapist, Workshop Creator and Leader, Author, Interfaith Minister, and Shaman Practitioner in New York City:

Two women ate lunch together in a small Kentucky town after not having seen each other for some time. Continue reading


1 Comment

Are there alligators in your way?

Last month I went to a stimulating business conference in Orlando.  Surprisingly, the most memorable learning experience for me came out of a nature walk I took on the hotel grounds.

I discovered the hotel had a nature trail on its extensive grounds when I first arrived.  Getting to the path seemed straightforward enough on the hotel’s map, so I decided to walk it the next morning as a way to start my day.  I imagined that I would get fresh air and exercise while enjoying nature and becoming grounded.  With this clear vision in mind, I ventured out into the chilly Florida morning. Continue reading


Leave a comment

3 tips for getting everything you want this holiday season (and in life)

My mother used to tell a story about a Christmas morning early in her marriage to my father.  She had her eye on a certain camelhair coat displayed at a department store.  Her anticipation grew as Christmas drew near because a box appeared under the tree that was exactly the right size for the coat.  She described how she reserved opening that particular present for last. Finally, she tore off the paper, opened the box, and… it was a toilet seat cover! Even telling the story decades later her face would contort in an expression of disappointment and resentment.  It was meant as a practical joke by my father, but it fell flat, and he still rues the day he bought it. Continue reading


Leave a comment

How resilient are you in the face of breakdown?

At the beginning of my seminars I ask attendees to share what they want to create as a result of participating. People say things like, “get a new job” or “find my soul mate” or “earn more money,” “get healthy” or “lose weight.” What I find interesting is that for the most part the things they want to create are already within their reach.   Take the topic of being healthy for instance. Everyone knows how to lose weight, right? Eat less, exercise more. But if it were that straightforward (I won’t say easy) wouldn’t everyone be healthy? Continue reading

Breaking Free

Leave a comment

There are lessons to be learned about overcoming historically limiting beliefs everywhere you turn. Watch this video blog to see how I physically confronted one of mine in an enormously cathartic way. Continue reading


Leave a comment

Who is your inner visionary?

When you think about your vision, do you think about what your life will look like in the future?  Do you envision big houses, fancy cars, leisure time, committed relationships?  Perhaps it’s a bestselling book, notoriety in a professional field, or a bank account constantly flowing with money that swims in your imagination.  If your idea of your future is more low key, do you see yourself sitting around drinking coffee with your family and laughing?  Going to school or learning to do something you always wanted to do? Continue reading


Leave a comment

Money Talks. Are you listening?

A hot topic in the news these days is why the “1%” have such a disproportionately large amount of accumulated wealth in comparison to other 99%.  Perhaps you’ve seen the video that went viral (almost 7 million views to date) that demonstrates this with impressive graphics and mind-boggling statistics. Continue reading


Leave a comment

New Year’s Resolutions: Friend or Foe?

When I was a child, we had a family friend who we would often visit on Saturdays.  They had a wonderful big old house, and being scholarly types, had bookshelves full of books.  There weren’t many there that were kid friendly, but one day I came upon a hardbound collection of Wonder Woman comics.  I would spend hours poring over the stories of this amazing and heroic woman.  In later years, when Lynda Carter starred as Wonder Woman in a TV series, I felt like I knew her personally. Continue reading


2 Comments

The Presidential debate got me thinking

Did you watch the presidential debate last night?  I did, and boy, was it stimulating.  The topic was the economy, and it was fascinating to hear the candidates give their differing viewpoints on taxes, interest rates, regulations, and how to encourage job growth.

What intrigued me the most was their shared perspective that the government would have a crucial role in whether or not I (and my business) would be successful.   Wow.  I’m so glad that I didn’t just wait around for them to figure out what policies would be best.  With all that waiting, my business might just be an idea instead of a part of my successful livelihood. Continue reading


Leave a comment

Personal Growth vs. Transformation

Personal Growth vs. Transformation

The model of “personal growth” has been consistent throughout the “empowerment” age:  find out what’s wrong, and fix it.  Its proponents work to understand and heal the past to create a different future.  The idea is that over time your true and authentic being will emerge and take hold.  Progress is slow but steady if the plan is followed consistently.  All that’s needed to succeed are understanding and discipline.  Over time, heath, wealth, and fulfillment will become part of your life. Continue reading


Leave a comment

“It’s Like…Y’know”

 

The word “like” has invaded our speaking the same way the kudzu has invaded the South.  Just listen in on anyone’s conversation on the subway, especially if they’re under 30, and you’ll see what I mean.  Just as kudzu does, it wends its way in to the sentence until it blankets it and the original meaning is practically lost.  “It’s, like, the best movie I’ve, like, seen, like in a long time.  You should go see it, it’ll, like, y’know, blow your mind.”

This has recently come to my attention in a more forceful way than before because a friend has asked me to let him know when he is using “like,” “y’know,” “uh,” and other “nonwords” so that he can improve his speaking skills.  I decided to take on the same challenge. The list of nonwords and its close cousin, filler words, has proven to be never ending.   We’ve since expanded our radar to include “Ok, so,” “know what I mean?” and “does that make sense?”It has become so common place that we become nearly unconscious to it. We often have to ask each other when the offending word even was. Continue reading


2 Comments

Breaking the bonds of procrastination

It starts innocently enough. I “just” want to go on to Facebook to check on one thing. When I finally emerge from my Facebook haze, 20 minutes has gone by. “Not a problem,” I think. “I still have enough time to get that report done that’s due this afternoon.” So I pull up my email inbox to find the report that I’m supposed to be working on when I notice an urgent email. “This will just take a minute,” I think again. “Let me respond now before this turns into a bigger problem.” Only, it turns into a bigger problem anyway.

After another hour has gone by, and my deadline approaches, I kick in to full gear. “I work better under pressure,” I tell myself. Originally, I had envisioned the report to be a full-color bound manuscript, which was why I put it off until today to start it, but now I’m lucky if I can get it done and printed out on the black and white printer before the meeting starts. While it’s not the perfect manuscript I originally envisioned, it’s presentable. Continue reading